Writing on the Wall

Where to start?  Bleck.  Argh.  Thbbbbt! 


There's a part of me so proud of the changes I've made...and a part of me discouraged by the habits that linger.  It's like I've just caught myself drawing on the walls in Sharpie; I'm simultaneously impressed by the artistry, and pissed about the mess to be undone.

While during these last quiet months I can celebrate the fact that, since August, I've not incurred additional debt, I can also bemoan the fact that creditors call hourly.  

You see, in September while short on dollars to cover all bases, I paid only a portion of my monthly payment on two accounts.  I figured, "Can't pay it all, but I'll demonstrate the effort.  Surely, in these hard times, the credit companies will recognize and respect this."  Not so.  The next month, the calls and recorded messages began, "This is Lisa, please contact us to discuss some options for repayment of your account."  Apparently, despite the fact that my October payment was full and on time, the lacking full payment from September haunts me still as "late."  A mar on my credit and a major annoyance.  Talking with the representatives has been helpful, and I continue to pay my minimum plus additional dollars to close the gap of what's due, but I've garnered some late payments and haven't helped my credit rating.

Additionally, I've done a great job of avoiding that vital step called "monthly budgeting."  While I've made it to the end of the month without begging, borrowing, or stealing, I'm sick of the uneasiness this creates...and the dumb choices I make. 


This holiday season I'm pleased to state that I made more gifts than I purchases, all with less expense and greater value.  I've cut and colored my own hair.  I've saved for, rather than charged, the basic cosmetics and hair products when they've run out.  I've even stoked up the ole crockpot for less expensive and less time intensive meals.  Repurposing clothing?  I'm all about it.  I'm making changes... and, I'll admit, really enjoying the results.  

BUT, I'm not over the hump yet.  And the bleak picture of forever pinching pennies absolutely drives me crazy.  Will I ever have enough money to go on vacation?  Will I ever get to purchase jeans that actually fit me again?  What kind of additional income can I generate to actually push me through this as fast as possible without sacrificing time with my son or my sanity?  When can I quit shopping at WinCo, the warehouse store where little children scream and holler about buying another box of SugarPops and parents wheeze to heft up another case of soda, but we all get good deals?

Aaaaaargggggh!  I absolutely hate this.  

While it's comforting to share in the notion that many Americans share my plight in this time of economic unrest, it doesn't make it better, or finished, or history.  And I want to be done.  If success is measured by desire, I am sure to hit my goal of debtlessness by September 4, 2012.  Sure to hit my goal.

So, today, I measure my victories in the war against my bad habits, and renew the surge against the situation.  Today, I pencil in the budget one more time and finally make that call to a consumer credit counseling service.  Damn it.  Damn it.  Damn it.  Writing's on the wall.

Temptations

I feel like I'm on a diet.  On a diet at Costco on Sample Saturday.  Everything looks good.  And, little bites don't really count...do they?

I'm hungry.  I'm hungry for all of the ways I used to blow money.  Like stopping for coffee.  Or having lunch out.  Or buying something at the market that isn't on sale.  Little bites, that most definitely count.

The temptations this month are plentiful, even if the dollars are scarce.  October marks my one year anniversary of dating the most terrific man in the land, my son's ninth incredible year on the planet, the unfortunate end of the allowable lapse between hair color treatments, and Halloween money magnets like treats and costumes.  Not all of these can be attended to on a monthly budget.  Especially one $500 less than usual due to last month's draw.

Life on a vow of credit celibacy is not luxe.

Yes,  this is a month where my mommy delusions kick in and I battle the unceasing compulsion to purchase the stuff of Zane's every desire.  Not that I seriously entertained the items on his much talked about wish list this year.  I may not be the only delusional member of my family if he was seriously expecting that electric scooter,  Pug puppy,  cell phone, and new DSi with games.  But, I confess, in years past, efforts to come close to such a list would have been my dearest aim...all without once calculating the impact on my pocketbook.

I suppose that's the luxury of credit - no immediate impact.  In terms of dieting, this kind of shopping bears much in likeness to binge eating at Thanksgiving.  Everything looks so good...and it's only once a year...I'll risk the indigestion and the wild discomfort of a bloated tummy just so I can have a slice of each of those desserts...and some more stuffing with gravy...and another blackberry daiquiri.  Of course, there is indigestion and bloating and discomfort and one swears she'll never eat that much again in all her life.  Until the company Christmas party...and then family feasts...and then New Years...and then, 'Hey!  I can't fit into my jeans!  How did this happen?!"

This year, though, this year for the birthday celebrations, I did just as the women's magazines suggest their readers do in the event of festive holiday occasions -  I made a plan, had a snack at home before leaving the house (aka, checked the bank account), and spent wisely.   Also, I did my best to look dashing so as to distract myself and others from the old eating/spending habits I was avoiding.

My plan:  shop and plan ahead, look for deals, include only the necessary
My pre-party snack:  find things that I can make or do without any expense
My wise spending:  spend less than $50 on gifts, and less than $30 on the party


Working the plan:
It was quickly decided by Zane's dad (who has always handled dollars wisely) and I, that simple and easy were key factors in this year's celebration.  That boded well for the budget.  The location would be Farmer John's Pumpkin Patch and Corn Maze.  I'd make the cupcakes.  He'd pick up some pizzas and drinks.  We'd give the kids pumpkins as their goodies.  Happily, there's no charge for using their covered picnic area, the maze admission was inexpensive, and the outdoor venue meant these third graders could run and holler to their hearts' contentment without disturbing the peace.  Given the sugar content in the cupcakes, that was a fortunate bonus.

In preparation, I skipped purchasing and mailing invitations and opted for the quick and dirty text message to the moms.  I'm still a little embarrassed by this, but wow.  It worked. Making the cupcakes was a snap.  Where I typically go the whole "from scratch" route, for this audience, I chose Betty Crocker mix and frosting.  Pop that batter in mini-cupcake tins and we're off on the road of creativity.  Whooo!

Gift wise, I knew I'd fall short of the wish list.  But, fortunate for me, my kid is a bit of a sentimentalist.  I mined through a year of family outing photos and created a whole little album detailing Zane's adventures.  Walgreen's had a web special of a 50% discount on 4X6 prints upon which I capitalized and voila!  Instant pleaser!  And, only $11.00.

Looking great wise?  Well, I wore a hat to hide my much grown out dye job. :)  Voila.  Birthday party success.

And, the best reward, even better than coming in on budget, was Zane's last thought before heading off to bed, "I wish every day could be like this..."