Baby Steps

One of the fondest memories from my son's first year was the evening he first attempted to stand on his own.  For weeks he'd been crawling to the ottoman and pulling himself up by the upholstery or reaching up to me for a little lift. He was on the brink of toddler independence and I hoped and prayed that I, and not the babysitter, would be the first to see him really stand on those two precious feet.



The heavens granted my wish. While folding clothes in the living room, I stepped into the bedroom for a few moments to put stuff away.  That's when I heard that tale tell sound of my baby falling.  Lightening couldn't have been faster than my return to the living room...where I found him not crying, but laughing.   As I scanned for clues, he carefully moved to all fours, squatted like a football player on a line of scrimmage, rocked back and forth a bit on two hands, then one...then slowly, wobbily, he stood, arms outstretched for shaky balance.  I'm sure we both held our breath.  He looked up, grinned the hugest, "Mama!  Look what my legs can do!", and then gravity brought him right back to Earth, accompanied by his burble of laughter.   Again and again and again...and he's been the quickest kid I've ever witnessed ever since.  


Though I didn't realize it at the time, my son taught me how to stand up. Thank you, sweet boy!  And now it's my turn.  Seems all it takes is readiness. And a healthy acceptance of tumbling. 


After more than a few recommendations, today I finally popped the first of several audio CDs by David Ramsey and Financial Peace University into the car's player on my trek to my last (for a while) fancy, Portland Salon, hair appointment.  Listening to Dave's sage counsel and goofy schtick,  much of my anxiety evaporated over the miles.  Yes, I'm in a bad place.  But, by taking action, even baby steps to make a plan for my money, I can change the habits of twenty years and thousands of dollars of debt.


It's reassuring to know that Dave and his many, many "students" have used the steps he proposes to success.  And, though I've mostly absorbed the philosophy - the whys and whens and hows- I'm less overwhelmed by the tasks before me.


What surprised me while listening, though, were my emotions.  Somewhere near the Tigard onramp to Interstate 5, I found myself bawling in traffic.  Dave had just introduced his wife, Sharon, to the assembled CD audience.  He said something along the lines of, "If I am successful, it is because of the woman she is."  And, I cried.  Even had to take a few deep breaths!  Here's this guy, a businessman, a salesman, father of five, who even after bankruptcy would be considered successful by many a measure, and he attributes this to his wife.  Surely, he's a big part of the recipe.  But he honors her.


Now, I'm always touched by gestures of appreciation, and I've got mad respect for those who meet marriage together through ups and downs.  But tears in traffice?  Angela.  Really?   As my son recently quipped when I wept during the first ten minutes of Pixar's "Up", "But, Mom!  Why are you crying?  You hardly even know her?" 


I cried because I want to be a partner like that.  And, I cried because I know I have a long way to go before I am.  Sure, I possess talents and skills useful and entertaining.  But, I'm far from a financial asset. Where I want to bring ease and security, right now I simply offer challenge.  That's not okay with me.


What could be accomplished when I am able to contribute the skills and experience of financial security to the life my partner and I build?   What pratfalls could we avoid?  What prosperity and ease would be ours?  With all my heart, I want to know the answers.


So, standing up on my own to feet, armed with readiness and the grace to tumble, tomorrow is the day I'll write my first budget ever and create a cash flow plan for September.  Baby steps.  








(With gratitude and surprise, I find myself surrounded by folks near and far.  Thank you Jeff, Shelley, Terry, Kris, Nicole, Jennifer, Liz, Lynn, Angela, Robin, Triawn, Matt, and Ben for resources and support.   Thank you so, so, so much!)