Facing It

It's mighty hard to avoid facing the floor when one's nose is smooshed uncomfortably against it.  


And, that's where I find myself. Nose smashed upon the bottom of my bank account.  Again.


I'm familiar enough with this position - the tenseness it brings my shoulders, the crabbiness that infuses my interactions, the cockamamie schemes I daydream to bring quick fortune, the way my temperature rises when I'm at the market.


But, this time the credit's gone.  The options few.  And my pockets really, truly empty.  I'm scared.  And, embarrassed.  And, I realize no one but me can pick me up.


I'm a teacher and a single mom.  I live in a rented townhouse; I drive a 2002 Jetta Wagon that I still make monthlies on.  By no means is my life extravagant.  We have what we need to live comfortably.  But, little of it is mine free and clear.  Very little.


In our district, teachers are paid one lump sum at the end of June which includes salary for June, July, and August.  Should one neglect to budget, this could create a rather lush July...and destitute September. The story goes that I have neglected to make a budget, preferring to do the math in my head and guestimate what has been spent.  What has been spent is nearly everything.


Let it go on record, that math in my head has never been a strong suit.


What has also absolutely never been my strong suit, even from my first savings account and JC Penny charge card in 1987, is personal finance.  But, since having one's nose pressed this forcefully to the floor makes breathing (and sleeping, and thinking) too overwhelming to ignore, I'm hereby committing to picking myself up and gaining the skills that allow me to drive toward prosperity, that little tiny pin prick of a light a the top of this deep, deep hole I've dug.  


I know I'm in good company - a large portion of our nation is lying right along side me down here.  I read recently that the degree of simplicity in overcoming a challenge is directly proportionate to the degree the challenge is confronted.  With that in mind, rather than just floundering down here, I'm flipping over.


Let the confrontation and simplicity begin.  A change is everything.