Simple Pleasures

I sat alone in my car, the phone call reverberating. 


Angela:   So you're telling me, Mike, that signing on for an $8,000 personal loan, secured by the car I'm soon to be selling, as well as applying for a $2,500 line of credit (for use in "emergencies only") is the best way for me to make a dent in my debt, and improve my credit scores so that I can then be more attractive to financial lending institutions who might then increase the amount I can borrow (at lower rates) to consolidate debt and pay it down more quickly.


Mike (the loan guy):  Correct.


Angela:  And what you offer, in all of your experience,  is the best-case scenario?


Mike:  Absolutely.


Angela:  Mike, about a month ago, I woke up to my ridiculousness of my financial status and how I have actively created if for the majority of my adult life.  It's not pretty.


Mike:  I know.


Angela:  Well, I'm dedicated to getting correcting all of this before I'm 40.  I want to make a change, and I want to do efficiently, effectively, now.  Doesn't what you're explaining sound like games?  I have to take more credit to pay down credit?  


Mike:  Angela, no one is going to give you a consolidation loan for the amount you requested.  Your ratio of debt to income wouldn't support it.  You have nothing to secure the loan with.  Maybe if you secured a co-signor or...  


Angela:  Mike...(and I wanted to scream, "I get it!  But I'm awake!  Help me!  There's no way what you're saying is a ladder out!"), thank you for your time and the information.


Mike:  Shall we schedule an appointment for tomorrow?  Want to grab your W2 and your most recent paystub?


Angela:  Let me talk this over with a few folks.  I'll call you.  Thanks, Mike.




There, with the 80 degree Friday afternoon heat augmenting my own boiling emotions, it wasn't easy to keep from beating myself up.  How incredibly stupid I've been!  What was I thinking? I am in so far over my head!  How embarrassing!  If there was a pageant for the consumer debt dumb, I'd be wearing the Ms. Universe crown.


It took more than a couple deep breaths to remember a beat up version of myself would perform far less successfully.  So, although my whole body seemed slower, heavier and emptier at Mike's attempt to make quota for the month, I reminded myself (just like Jack Handy), "I'm good enough.  I'm smart enough.  And, golldarnit, people like me."  


Okay not really.  But, I did talk myself out of floundering in pity.  


Here's why:  There is always a way.


Proof:  September 2009


September 2009 is the tightest month I've every created for myself.  Even though, I've given up credit,  created a budget, sold stuff on craigslist, and used coupons.  It's tight.  So tight, I'll need to take a draw on next month's pay to cover my school loan and car payment.


And, still, I'm okay.  Better than okay, really.  I'm sleeping well.  I have energy even at the end of a long day spent spinning my most theatrical efforts to engage high school sophomores in the "wonders of the Oxford comma" and the "many faces of nouns".   I have energy.  I feel fortunate.  The love and support of my family and friends daily humbles me.    


Attribute it to finally facing facts and taking action.  Chalk it up to the elimination of all the time and energy  worry and fear about my finances use to monopolize.  Thank those hours I've spent at my desk and online scrutinizing bank statements and penciling out the month's expenses.  Give credit to the actions I've taken to avoid stalking ostrich-like into overdrafts and late fees.  Whatever the source, I feel the effect.  And it is good.  


Know how the perfect perspective offers itself at the perfect time?  My junior counselor at leadership camp this summer (a Loyola Marymount freshman and recent Central Linn valedictorian) found this excerpt in one of the text books she was pre-reading during the days prior to classes and sent it my way.  She couldn't have known how fitting it would become to me this month:


"...But for the fortunate majority of us- those of us with jobs, with some savings, with incomes that let us make ends meet- are already discovering that living within one's means doesn't necessarily diminish quality of life. In fact, dialing down the money madness, and material envy and acquisitiveness can actually make us feel better. Some of the best things in life really are free, or at least inexpensive."


Some of the best things in life really are free, or at least inexpensive.


Indeed.


I haven't yet decided what to do about Mike and his "best-case scenario."  Perhaps playing the numbers game and purchasing a "loan product" would be a good way to go.  If not for the infinite wisdom of my   boyfriend, I might have just driven to Salem yesterday and signed on the dotted line in Mike's cubicle.  (In so many ways I just want a fairy godmother - like Mike - to make it all better.)   But, my better half coached me to do the footwork.   Call around, do some research, follow through on my intention to call the Consumer Credit Service.  And I have.  Funny how being honest with myself also fuels a desire to gather accurate, verified  information before making commitments...  Funny how good it feels to collect and manage that information and make decisions based on fact rather than fear.


There's a to do list pertinent to creating this foundation of prosperity on my desk as long as I am tall; all that research and decision making is part of it.  


But, in true yin for the yang spirit, there's also a list of simple pleasures I've enjoyed these last few weeks at least twice as long.  Some of the best things in life.  Pleasures that cost little, but make me feel like a million bucks.  They're fueling me to keep checking off the "to do's"  and weather the gloominess the reality this situation could bring.


Here are a few:


1.  Picking late-season raspberries on a warm evening at sunset with Triawn and our sons at Draper Farms.  For $1.50 a pound we took home memories, jam making, and joy.


2.  Braving my bathroom cupboard to "mine" for shampoo, conditioner, and styling product bottles holding tiny amounts of 'the goods' that also pack huge scent memories of seasons past.


3.  Checking my online bank statement to see...exactly what I expected to see because I'm on top of my dollars this month.


4.   Borrowing music CDs from the public library.  There's such good music there!  And it's free!


5.  Talking about things other than money.  


6.  Running with our Cross Country team.  A work out AND inspiration.  Plus, the valley is GORGEOUS this time of year.


7.  Redeeming my Dutch Bros coffee card for a free mocha on a Friday morning.


8.  Taking long, long showers.  (May not be good for my water bill...but, dang; that feels good.)


9.  Exchanging massages and foot rubs with my boyfriend.


10.  Running the Trask Mountain Escape...muddily, blissfully.


11.  Joining folks for pre-harvest gatherings.


12.  Finding a way to decorate my new classroom without spending any dough, being surprised by Jeff's donations of lamps and plants, and hearing my students and colleagues comment on the serenity the space brings.  (A high school classroom?  Is it possible? :)


13.  Enjoying a pedicure treat with my friend.  Conversation and sisterhood?  Always always sweet.


14.  Allowing myself to just collapse for a nap, or movie watching, or "unassigned" reading in bed.


15.  Sitting down to breakfast in the morning with my boys.


16.  Observing the subtle changing of the maples.


17.  Peeking through the window of Facebook into the lives of friends far and near.


18.  Being a more steady email correspondent with my mom and dad...who are both recently retired...and therefore somehow more entertaining than ever.


19.  Reuniting with former students at the McMinnville Market - how sophisticated and talented they are!


20.  Savoring the surreal colors of the sunrises on weekday mornings.


21.  Joining this river of bloggers and receiving feedback on-line and in person.


22.  Anticipating the release of Int'l Male's debut CD "Anthems of Potency" and marveling at the talent of all invovled.


23.  Just being near my boyfriend at the end of the day.


24.  Learning German from my third grader.


25.  Attempting to enjoy the advent of his football "career".


26.  Watching my "volunteer" pumpkins emerge along the patio garden.


27.  Closing the day thinking, "You know, I did okay to day."


28.  Hearing my little one sing in the shower in the morning.


29.  Borrowing good books from friends and then getting to talk with them all about the characters and such...


30.  Laughing with my son...anytime, anywhere.


...and many, many, many more riches too numerous to count.




Mike called and left a message again today. 


Mike:  Angela, be sure to give me a call so we can set up an appointment for Monday and get this thing going.


I must be on his short list.  Wonder what our next conversation holds...For now, the draw on my paycheck has been deposited and the bills have been paid.  I'm going to pick up some brautwurst and BBQ with my boys on this warm Friday night.  


All good.